Chapter 30: Five Guys on Goat Island
There’s an old joke that gets passed down from generation to generation that I just made up where five guys go to an island straight and three come back gay.
I don’t get it either, no one has ever said I make sense.
So playing with D&D was pretty rewarding and helped boost my teenage angst, which wasn’t bad, but it’s something you need to grow out of, not grow up with after a certain point, but I’m just bitter and getting way ahead.
One day, kinda spontaneous, D&D decided to go to an island out in the middle of Lake Livingston that I won’t mention for privacy reasons, but it was going to be a party, and like any good party, I was promised that twins would be there.
So, I took along my camera, jumped in a kayak and went along for the ride, like any true documentarian. Since the Discovery Channel(’s ripoff youtube channel) is sponsoring this chapter, I will go ahead and say a buzzword like “And what I found I never would’ve expected” even if it was totally expected, there are no surprises in life, everything is predictable if you pay attention.
We arrived around 6:00 p.m. and it took three trips back and forth to get everyone in that tiny kayak along with the supplies, and we began to trek to the center to set up camp.
I know, it’s thrilling to do mundane things such as walking through tall grass filled with Harvest Mites (I am not using their nickname) and the ever looming threat of being attacked by crows, but after a short while we made it…to a place that was not the center, but they assured me it was (it was actually closer to the north side of the island, you liars) and so we sat around and basked in our achievement. Me. Denis, Dennis, and two twins that apparently lived close to them that were there for some reason.
It was getting darker, so we went to go gather wood to create a fire so we could stay warm. It was around now that I realized for beds they had brought a tarp…and that’s it. They would’ve done so well with the Donner party.
The sun was setting by the time we had gathered a small, but decent amount of wood for the fire before we ran into the next problem. They were trying to light a fire with a bic lighter…well, Denis was, Dennis was kinda laughing his ass off. It was time for me to step in as I called on all of the survival skills I had acquired from that one summer of boyscouts and living in the forest for my entire life. Yes, you heard me right, this was my moment to shine as I walked over to the fire, a chorus of angels cheering me on, everything was in slow motion as I was about to save the day!
Truly, they will remember me in history books as I arrived five feet to the small collection of wood we would ignite, Denis looked at me with hope in his eyes as Dennis stood next to him. This was my moment.
I gave Dennis two twigs and told him “you’re not going to light a fire like that, try using two twigs like in the movies.”
Truly, TRULY, I will be the only person who survives the nuclear apocalypse.
Anyway, after that failed, we sat around, when Denis said “I need to think, who wants to light up?”
Please Note: I don’t really care about marijuana, it never did anything for me, and is still illegal in many states. I’m not here to argue it should or shouldn’t be illegal, just to give a somewhat accurate retelling of my life for an About Me section on a website no one will ever come to.
This was my first time smoking the ‘hoochie poochie’ or whatever those darn kids are calling it these days, and let me tell you, it didn’t do crap for me.
But, I didn’t want to be a buzz kill around guys giggling their asses off, so I did what any normal person would do in this situation. I said I was going to go save the princess, ran off behind a tree and played Legend of Zelda: Oracle of Seasons on my GBA for a little while.
Please Note: Legend of Zelda: Oracle of Seasons is an excellent game.
After I came back, in the darkness, Dennis laughed and said “Dude, you were sooooo high” and then laughed. Thinking about it, maybe my cynicism made me immune to weed, oh well, there was a bigger problem. It was cold, and we had a tarp.
Desperate times called for desperate measures, so I gave Dennis some sticks and took two myself and we started frictioning all over the place (of the designated fire location).
Then, it happened, the fire started. There would be no Donnering tonight, thank goodness. The conversation continued as we all laughed and had a good night sleep…Well, they did. I was an insomniac and couldn’t sleep, so I sat by the fire.
At one point, Dennis woke up and came over and we joked around about things. It was actually the first time we actually talked by ourselves, I think. It was nice and we laughed and got a better understanding of each other. Specifically, I understood that I really didn’t like his laugh, it was annoying as watching someone try to light a fire with a bic lighter.
The next day we kayaked back and Denis’ grandmother picked us up. We went back to her place and had pancakes and my legs started to itch, but we had to go to school.
In Home Ec, my teacher asked why I was scratching so much, and I said “I don’t know” so she asked to look at my leg and said “Oh, you have chiggers” which, admittedly, I said “excuse me?” but they are harvest mites that I had to go home after school and pour alcohol on my legs to get them off.
Could be worse though, I also got really sick because of the smoke coming from the fire and spent most of the day dizzy and nauseous, so that’s how it was worse.
I guess the moral of the story is: Never go get high on an island with tall grass. I’m not telling you to go get high on an island with no tall grass, but I am saying if you do, don’t do it on an island with tall grass.